


Love in a Time of War (and Other Small Mercies)

by beautifullyheeled



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bottom Steve Rogers, Captain America: The First Avenger, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, First Time Bottoming, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Marvel Universe, Requited Love, Secret Marriage, Virgin Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-30 14:16:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3939904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifullyheeled/pseuds/beautifullyheeled
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Buildings still looked like charred bones lifted from the brittle earth. Jagged. Rubble and trash at every turn. This could have been home. Could have been their old burrow, their block. He’d grabbed the empty artist's journal as it laid on the street and thought of home. Of Steve. He’d nodded to Dernier and signaled he was heading back to camp. Too many memories colliding with reality. </p><p>Had Steve ever been his? Little skinny punk with a ‘penchant’ for running headlong into danger. Not shirking from a fight. Those nights he’d held Steve close, fighting off the worst of the cold as they did now. God, did the kid even know?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love in a Time of War (and Other Small Mercies)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first real foray into the MCU fandom, and I am both elated and terrified. I know so many hold these characters dear, I can only hope that I have done them justice. 
> 
> (One small note about the song used: In my head, I see Steve's mother as coming from somewhere in Appalachia Country who followed her beau on the rails to NYC due to the promise of better living conditions and better work.)
> 
> (Post Script: As this reaches over a thousand hits, I need to tell you that I am humbled. This is not my home fandom and this little fic has recieved such love- Thank you so very much for reading, commenting, bookmarking. Love and Light~Bo)

_Oh the stars they did shine_

_The night you swore that you'd be mine_

_And you promised always to be true_

_and to be kind_

_On that Shenandoah Hill_

_Where our love bloomed until_

_I went away and left those_

_Promises behind_

 

_But when I rise from the timberline_

_And call your name will you remember mine_

_And the sweetest kiss will be the tie that binds_

_Like the wild, wild rose and the columbine_

 

_To that place I will go_

_Where the wildwood flowers grow_

_With a ribbon in my hair_

_And a gown of calico_

_To those Shenandoah Hills_

_I'll go back I swear I will_

_To the sweetest kiss my lips will ever know_

_Timberline-Emmylou Harris_

_Ballad of Sally Rose_

 

**********

 

Bucky pulled back the flap of their low lying tent. They’d set their small camp up that way after digging into the hard ground for half a day, then spent the other half covering with bracken and fallen branches; snow. It had been four days. Three nights of beginning winter flurries that half melted, or burned away completely as it had that first morning. Still, it was the longest the Commando’s had been in one spot since leaving the main camp weeks ago. They were on the edge of a sleepy little village that had been bombed out. It was hellish. Almost all of everything was destroyed. Families had been pulled their first night there, those they could- seemed as if others knew. Had a sixth sense- old women warning one another of whispers. Of feelings. The quiet that had descended in the surrounding forest.

Buildings still looked like charred bones lifted from the brittle earth. Jagged. Rubble and trash at every turn. This could have been home. Could have been their old burrow, their block. He’d grabbed the empty artist's journal as it laid on the street and thought of home. Of Steve. He’d nodded to Dernier and signaled he was heading back to camp. Too many memories colliding with reality.

Had Steve ever been his? Little skinny punk with a ‘penchant’ for running headlong into danger. Not shirking from a fight. Those nights he’d held Steve close, fighting off the worst of the cold as they did now. God, did the kid even know? They were in a neighborhood that had mostly kept a blind-eye to those things. Well, Steve’s neighborhood had. They’d been...  welcoming. Knowing looks that he’d silence with a different look as his heart beat for the idiot beside him. The girls were only that, just girls. It’s what guys did. He’d drag Steve along hoping the guy wouldn’t actually fancy his date either. It was always just the two of them by the end of the night.

Then, while Bucky was at war, Steve had met Peggy.

It made him happy for the kid. He deserved so much more than life had given him. It was true. If there was a God, He’d righted all of the wrongs He had visited on the best guy a man could ever know. Too bad Bucky loved him so. It was alright, he would tell himself. Ball with the godson, beers with Steve. Maybe he’d settle too. Maybe not. Couldn’t give half of himself to someone, you know? Wouldn’t be right. Uncle Buck had a good sound to it. It’d be enough.

Peggy would be a beautiful bride.

With that thought, he had entered camp and made his way to their tent. Ducking in, it was empty except for their sleep rolls. He threw the book onto Steve’s before going to lay his out. The brat would find it when he came in a few hours. Would fill it with God knows what. Beauty and destruction. A mirror to Steve, not his ‘Man With the Plan’ persona. Star spangled ass that was just this side of too perfect. Not his Steve. His Steve was here- right here in the trenches with him. Had risked his life to save them all. No, all of this, this madness- they all thrived here. It was good to see his best friend living. Even if it was through this insanity. He went to lay down and felt Steve’s smaller journal under the blanket. Idiot. Stupid little jerk that sprawled everything everywhere. The folded paper shuffled out of it and fell to his fingers. Loose papers. He’d have to tell Steve to take better care with-

 

_James Buchanan Barnes-_

_Such a big name. You always have hated it a bit, I know. But I’ve always seen it. Not like you’ll grow into it, become a senator like your mom wanted or anything, but more like it’ll grow to who you are. You will define it._

_As your friendship has defined me._

_You always forget that. To factor yourself in. To let others care as openly as you do, even as you deny it. I know how you brought me things from your mom’s house. Food, extra socks. Clothes that were ‘shrunk’. God, have I told you lately how terrible of a liar you are?_

_The medicine you’d get?_

_When you’d lay with me in my freezing matchbook sized apartment just to warm me? Even then, when you held me, I knew. Lolie didn’t have to say a thing. Clever Clyde? No, Bucky- I knew. Felt it. But what was I compared to those dolled up beauties? Just a queer sickly boy who would waste away. No, you didn’t deserve that. You deserve, even now, nothing but good things. Happiness._

_I know you haven’t been- happy that is. Not the war, not the action, Buck. Us. You’ve pulled away. A lot. I know why. You think, that in all of this, I forgot. But really, how can someone forget a love as full as this? As rich as that damn heavy wine, so sweet- it fills everything with that lush slow sort of pleasure. That’s what I feel, Buck. Beside you. I can’t imagine what it’d be like to actually kiss you. I think I might actually get drunk off it. Honestly._

_Why don’t we test it?_

_Meet me at the RC? The main part’s still standing. It’s deserted. Quiet. Nice with the thin afternoon light through what's left of the colored glass. What do you say?_

_-Your Stevie_

 

How his feet found their way, he’d never be able to say. He’d tucked the letter into his breast pocket, close to his heart. He’d keep it with him until- well until. He refused to think on more than now. The old stone church’s heavy doors were slightly ajar, the iron hinges marred and busted away in a few areas, yet the structure still was there. Mostly together and showing no signs of crumbling away at the slightest breeze. Damn good masons; God’s work- who knew. His hands went to the bowl of dust water, cleansing himself, following old customs left at home, thousands of mile away. He heard Steve, his voice a rough sort of tenor, light up the space.

He couldn’t breathe.

The only time he’d heard Steve sing, he’d been ill. Well, when hadn’t the boy been? But the voice was that of a man, one in his prime, no longer sickly. Bucky could feel the tears prick at the corners of his eyes as the melody filled the space, called him forward. One shaky breath later, and his feet moved. His body military straight, eyes forward, only for Steve.

_“Where our love bloomed until we went away and left those promises behind...”_

Promises? The damned fool hearty- he’d heard them. Whispered in the depth of three in the morning when his friend had been wracked with the worst of it. Whispered when he was sleeping just before Bucky shipped out for good. He half-laughed, feeling a tear fall and resolutely ignoring it as it tracked to his chin.

_“And call your name will you remember mine...”_

How could he not? That night- that Steve had saved them all-

_“And the sweetest kiss will be the tie that binds like the wild, wild rose and the columbine...”_

Bucky noticed then, the slightly battered rose- where the hell had he found it? Well. Them. Wild ones from a greenhouse- how? Here? He looked up into Steve’s eyes. So open. Perfect and waiting. Sure. He would have blushed, but men didn’t so he wouldn’t. Even if he were, it was only them. As he stepped on the first riser, he automatically found himself reaching for Steve’s hand.

_“To that place I will go, where the wildwood flowers grow...”_

Steve in turn knelt as he took it. Finished the refrain with his face tipped up, tears of his own glittering in the depthless blue of them.

_“I'll go back I swear I will to the sweetest kiss my lips will ever know...”_

“Oh, God- Steve-” Bucky’s voice cracked rough as he pulled him back to standing, the colors of the stained glass moving across their skin. It was as if they were being painted, all rose and jade and amber. The way it moved across their hands. Steve still held onto the roses, which had Bucky gruffly laugh even in this oddly holy moment.

Like a bride at the altar- waiting for her groom.

But this was Steve- a man of his own. Giving himself to- “Stevie-”

“Yeah, Buck?” Steve licked at his chapped lower lip before giving him that bashful look that took Bucky back into time. “This, it’s alright? Isn’t it? I mean, I know I’m not Catholic, and there isn’t a priest alive that would sanction it but-” Steve’s eyes lingered on the colors staining them. “Seems to me like God might understand? He certainly knows how much I love yo-”

Bucky pressed forward and pressed a kiss hard to Steve’s temple. “Stevie, yes, oh God are you _sure_? I mean- the guys- they won’t give a damn but-”

“Oh, we might just, James.” Gabe’s voice trailed to the right of Steve’s shoulder.

Bucky looked over and saw the Commando wearing robes. “Jesus- Gabe- you can’t!” He knew his eyes had to be as wide as saucers, but really, Christ, oh damn, just- he wasn’t even really a believer anymore, but this? “You can’t those are _consecrated_ -”

“And I’ve gone to seminary, Bucky. Not as interesting intellectually as one might think.” He stepped up between them, giving Bucky a slight shove back from Steve. “Besides, the others are in agreement on this as well.” Gabe smiled as he said all of this, the others coming out from wherever they had squirreled themselves away at. The group of them looked just as fierce as they always did; even smiling. “Now, if there aren’t any other interruptions to be made, I suggest we get on with this as I’m sure, as with all things, we are on borrowed time-”

Steve laughed low at that, tugging Bucky closer to him, throwing the spicily scented roses towards Dum Dum to hold. “Got the rings, got the groom-” At this Steve had the audacity to blush- which was just too damn sweet and was doing all the right things in such a very wrong place for the sinful thoughts that began to fill his head.

“Well, then-” Gabe cleared his throat and then looked to the tome in his hands.

“The voice of my beloved; look, he comes, leaping upon the mountains, bounding over the hills, my beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag, look, there he stands behind our wall, gazing in at the windows, looking through the lattice.

My beloved speaks and says to me: ‘Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away; O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the covert of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.’

My beloved is mine and I am his. Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is strong as death, passion fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, a raging flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. This is the Word of God.”

Bucky grasped Steve’s hand hard as Gabe spoke, he could tell that the service would be short, but the fact that they were here- with the thin almost-winter sun warming them through the broken roof, surrounded by men they called their family; it was almost too much for him.

“Steven Grant Rogers and James Buchanan Barnes,” Gabe looked at them both in turn before continuing. “Have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage? Will you love and honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?”

They both nodded, then spoke their ‘yeses’ at the second question when Gabe eyeballed them.

“Now, the vows, gentlemen- James-”

“I, James Buchanan Barnes, take you, Steven Grant, to be my husband, for better, for worse, in all things, until my last breath when my body is given back to the earth whence it was made.”

Bucky cleared his throat, it had gone dry even as his eyes began to prick again. He spoke them clearly, unashamed with Steve smiling at him with his million watt smile. As Steve returned the vow, Bucky pulled his hand up and brushed Steve’s knuckles against his closed lips just to feel the skin that would soon be touching his own.

“Barnes-” The warning was clear from Gabe. He heard chuckles, but chose to ignore them. Especially the murmurs of ‘anxious’ and ‘well they’re both-’ Bucky closed his ears to everyone but Gabe and Steve. He _knew_  his predicament. No need to be bawdy in a church of all-

“The rings, which have been blessed by this prayer signify your union. What you men have chosen, let none break asunder- James-”

A ring was pressed into his hand. He watched as he slipped it onto Steve’s finger, licking at his lips, remembering the mineral taste of that skin just seconds ago. “Mine, only mine, Steve. Forever.” Finally he glanced up as Steve slipped his ring onto Bucky’s hand, those blue eyes full of determination and want. He couldn’t help but to smile as they stood just gazing at one another. The whoop of their motley crew drew them back to everyone else, the cheers of ‘kiss him already’ spurring Bucky on.

“Stevie-” His voice was soft as he checked himself before their lips met for the first time.

They were sweet, warm, living and tasted of honey. Of sunshine and Prospect Park and home.

The kaleidoscopic colors whirled against his eyelids as he turned and dipped Steve in his arms, possessing him for this brief moment. This perfect moment.

“Alright you two- I mean- this is a church- and their- STEVEN!” Gabe verbally prodded at them until they broke apart. “You have the cottage- go- we’ll make sure you’re not- _both of you_!” He was laughing and exasperated at them and it was wonderful.

“Yeah, alright. We’ll go- um- thanks. For this.” Bucky blushed as the others continued to hoot and holler them out of the chapel. He realized that Steve was guiding him to the cottage on the grounds. “Wait- are we- really?”

“Only if you- yes, I mean. Buck?” Steve was laughing and pulling him through the door. “One night for us. A real bed.

Bucky stopped them both as he kicked the door closed. "Stevie, these things, aren't easy. If you want it all, I'll give it to you. Make you mine. God, let's shower. I'd like to taste you, not camp dust."

They found their way to the room with the plumbing and started the water. It wasn't terrible. Stripping efficiently, Bucky crowded them in immediately going for the soap and turning off the water once they were both wet. Steve stole the bar and began working up a lather, his hands finding Bucky's chest. Bucky took it from him and lathered his own, moving his in a more southerly direction, his mouth claiming Steve's as they wandered.

"Buck-" Steve's voice was wrecked, his cock leaning hard against the vee at Bucky's hip. "Do you know, how long..." He crowded closer against Bucky and rocked against him, half- slotting besides Bucky's own in an instinctual grind. "Oh!"

Bucky's fingers found furled muscle that tightened against intrusion, then relaxed slowly as the touch continued, the suds easing Bucky's way. He held Steve close as blond hair met his shoulder, a low moan crooned by his ear. Steve pressed against his finger, slowly rocking it into himself as he rutted against Bucky's body. He gently nudged the tip of another finger in, let Steve take his time; adjust at his pace. Bucky's body may be screaming at him to take, and oh God how he wanted to, but this? His Stevie slowly fucking himself onto Bucky's fingers? Rutting against the plane of his hip slick with soap and precome? The intimacy of it was killing him. He couldn't break the spell.

"Gonna rinse us off- fast. Get you into bed." His voice had lost an octave somewhere in the middle of this. They were both wrecked already and had done little more than grinding and fingering. "Make this perfect for you, promise."

He had always wanted to give Steven the world. Wanted to give him anything his heart desired. Most times, it was small things. Stevie had always been someone simple to please; Steven was just the same. Never wanting more than what he saw 'was his fair share'. Bucky wanted to give him more than that. Show him exactly how much he was cherished and by God if he wasn't going to do it tonight.

Feet found wood instead of glazed iron, then rope rug, then more wood until they were in the abandoned bedroom. The double bed was still made up, or just made given the lack of grit and dust. Quilts and pillows had him smiling as Bucky pulled back the covers, eased Steven onto the cool sheets. "Need to get something from the kitchen-"

"It's on the table." Steve tilted his head toward the far side of the bed and the thin bottle of slightly tinted liquid. "I'm not a prude, I know _some_  things."

"How do you- never mind. I don't wanna know." Bucky growled as he slotted himself between those powerful thighs that were now his to touch. To kiss. He let his mouth wander along Steve's chest, pulling a dusky nipple into his teeth as Bucky grabbed the olive oil and spilt some onto his left palm, dipped his fingers into it and slipped them back into Steve. The moan was high and light; filled the room making Bucky's blood boil. "So perfect, beautiful."

His right hand took Steve to task, closing against the thick length of him as Bucky moved his fingers inside of him; mouth messily kissed anywhere there was skin. It was all about worship. Steve was his husband. He'd done this for them. The thought consumed Bucky as he pressed in deeper, added a bit of a third. Listened to Steve breathe and groan, broken. Ready.

"Like this?" Steve asked, his chest slowly heaved as he breathed, opened his thighs, canted his hips in offering. "Missionary?"

"Darling, damn it-" He bit his lip as he swore. Bucky knew, he _knew_  it might be too much. "How about spooning? Roll over, just a little, like we used too? Won't be as... I wanna take care of you, baby."

"I'm not breakable. Like I was." Fierce love and determination filled Steve's eyes. "Want to. Bucky, I'm..."

"No. Stevie, you don't get it. Trust me, baby, please." Bucky moved from between Steve's thighs and rolled him onto his side, pressed one knee forward. "See, that's it. Oh, God, fuck- you look..."

Steve was open, his body pliant as Bucky slicked his own long-ignored cock and lined up, the head of it just pressing inside. He could feel Steve fighting the contraction of muscle, how he wanted to press down. Bucky bit him lightly against his shoulder and Steve gasped as Bucky thrust in further. An old technique not forgotten. It worked like a charm. Bucky brought his still slick fingers between them and rubbed at the tightening muscle from the outside as Steve softly cursed and groaned, rocked against Bucky's cock. He patiently let Steve lead, peppered the back and side of Steve's neck with soft, wet kisses as Steve took him in.

"Baby, _fuck_ , yes, like that- oh Christ, Steve..." Bucky murmured hotly, filthily against Steve's skin. "Take it, all of me. You're my husband, you married me. Come on, sweetheart."

God, it was torture, the best kind. Steve's body slowly accepted him. It took ages, or seconds. Didn't matter. They were joined in the most- the closest they would ever be. Bucky felt himself tear up and let them fall as Steve breathed hard, shivers running over and through him. He took a slow glide out of Steve's slick body, moved his fingers out of the way to grasp at Steve's hip, pressed his way back in.

"Baby, God!" Steve's voice was a mess. "I- God!"

"That's it, fuck, you're beautiful." Bucky gained enough confidence that he started in on a slow rolling tempo with his hips. "Prettier than anything I've ever seen. Those damn deep blue eyes of yours, your hot cock against my skin, fuck if you could see this..."

He moved his hand to twist along Steve's cock, the rhythm sloppy, but who could fault him when his gorgeous was surrounding him. Images of how they used to lay, just like this flooded his memory, changed slightly. Became dirtier. He smirked at those thoughts before he tucked them away. This was Steve now, and that was then.

"I'm going to come in you, I've never-ever, Steve. This is ours, promise, baby." Bucky knew he was close, wanted to make sure Steve went first. "Can you, for me? I want to feel you hot, sticky, in my hand. Come on, Stevie, love you."

That was all it took, those words, whispered between them, against Steve's skin. Silky come latticed over Steve's contracted stomach, the groan was guttural as Steve gave himself over. Bucky pressed him more onto his stomach, laced his thigh between his husband's legs, pressed in as far as he could. Thrust as Steve sobbed, Bucky's hand still on him, he let go and came hard inside Steve murmuring his name like it were sacred, only to be heard whispered. Beloved. It was all too much and everything all at once; this side of Heaven.

They laid together, still joined, until Bucky finally relaxed enough to slip out. Neither of them had wanted to move. To break the connection. "Love you, James."

"Steven Grant Barnes-"

**Author's Note:**

> Timberline sung by The Silver Lake Chorus, found here on [Youtube](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQ2zFsRrEBk#t=104)
> 
> Post Script:  
> I am a horrible friend, and forgot to thank those who looked this over, or who have been slowly working on me (to the point of throwing prompts I cannot ignore my way; which are also being written now...) to join in on a fandom I have loved for ages, but had yet to take the plunge. 
> 
> They all write for MCU and lots of other wonderful works outside of this particular fandom as well, so go visit them and be prepared to bookmark your heart out. I'm also linking their tumblrs for their rad (yes I said rad) content.
> 
> Stephrc79  
> [stephrc79](http://www.stephrc79.tumblr.com)
> 
> ReclusiveQ  
> [reclusiveq](http://www.reclusiveq.tumblr.com)
> 
> Hums-Happily  
> [hums-happily](http://www.hums-happily.tumblr.com)  
> 


End file.
